Well, the soap in the bathroom has worn real thin
And the lemon scented shampoo is watered down
And the curtains aren't lined so they let the light in
The vacancy sign is never turned 'round
This hotel is cheaper than I am
It has been so long since I checked in
I'm as brittle as the Chinese sideboard
And as flaky as the paint on the door
I just can't spend any more time with you in this room
I did the sums and I just can't understand
How this hotel can be cheaper than I am
But it's true, this hotel is cheaper than I am

Your neighbours in fancy goods with a girl half his age
Or is she just mutinous mutton out on the lam?
These autumnal chickens in their edible knickers
Even I can afford to pull them down
This hotel is cheaper than I am
Has it been that long since I checked in?
There's coin-operated everything from the minibar to the cable porn
It's a shame nothing works anymore
For those too weathered to go home at night
Reception is a promise, air freshener and fairy lights
Discretion is the key for those deserting dinner dates
If you can't last all night, they have hourly rates
She leant against the door jamb and asked me where I stand
And I run ten thousand yen into the maw of her left hand
She pulled out some change and I said, "thank you, ma'am"
Well, this hotel is cheaper than I am

Get out of town way past the toll
And the working week that had paid for it all
This hotel is cheaper than I am
Yeah, it's cheaper than I am
It's cheaper than I am
For all you decent folk who haven't been there yet
I will admit that this hotel is cheaper than I am
It's cheaper than I am